Feeling stuck in the middle? Splitting time between friends and your partner can be one of the hardest things about any relationship— but what if you have the sneaking suspicion that your closest friends aren’t on board with your choice of mate? Even the closest bestie have a tough time disclosing that they think your partner is wrong for you, which is why sometimes a little detective work is required. Here’s how to tell if your friends disapprove.
They don’t invite your partner anywhere — and we mean ANYWHERE
While even the frostiest friend will likely throw you a plus-one every so often, there’s one place that only someone who truly detests your partner won’t invite them: Facebook. If your buds aren’t Facebook friends with your partner after a reasonable amount of time and interaction, it’s safe to assume that something is amiss. Obviously it’s important to take into account your friend’s Facebook activity level — if she’s someone who stays offline or takes lengthy tech breaks, don’t be quick to assume she’s holding a grudge against your mate. But if she befriends everyone else in your ever-widening circle within 24 hours, an issue might be brewing.
They give your partner the silent treatment
If your partner is new on the scene, it’s to be expected that they won’t hit it off right away with all your friends. But it’s only reasonable to expect your friends to attempt to include him or her in the conversation at social gatherings — if they respect you, they’ll do you the courtesy of dissipating some of the awkwardness of introducing a new beau. But if your friends unrepentantly give your guy (or girl) the cold shoulder, they are clearly past politeness. Make sure you’re viewing the situation impartially, however. If your partner is the one providing one-word answers and staring listlessly at their phone, your friends aren’t the ones to blame. Who’s snubbing who?
They make you feel guilty for spending time with your partner
It’s difficult to strike the right balance between hanging out with friends and going out on dates, especially for a new relationship. Expect to have some slight bumps along the way as you figure out how to split your time. But if you’ve found a balance and are still feeling guilty every time you go out for a date, it’s possible that something else is up. Friends should be understanding about your desire to have alone-time with your partner, and not take it as a personal rejection if you miss a girls’ night or two. Be honest with yourself about how you’re spending your time — if you don’t see a major imbalance but you’re being constantly chided for hanging out with your partner, it may be time to have a talk with your friends.