Womanista Wish List: “Non-Date” Essentials

Three years ago I married the man of my dreams. Literally, he’s super hot, kind, funny, smart, and the greatest friend. On July 6, 2009 I said “Adios, see you again never!” to the dating world, and was super-glad to do so! But that doesn’t mean I have stopped navigating the murky waters of the dating pool, as the co-pilot to my single girlfriends. We over-analyze text messages from guys they just met  (I mean really, what is the CONTEXT of “hit me up later”?? ugh), discuss in DETAIL potential outfits for first dates (what says, “Hey, I am polished and pretty, but not high maintenance?”), and then do a total, massive recap via phone the moment the date is over (“He invited me to dinner, and then his friend showed up and ate with us!” bemoaned one of my besties in a recent post-date phone call…) Bottom line? Even in the three years that I’ve been out of the dating world (well, almost 6 years if you count the time since I met my husband) dating has gotten super weird.

That’s where the girls of “The Gaggle” come in. Jessica Massa & Rebecca Wiegand break down the new frontier of dating in their seriously spunky & insightful new book THE GAGGLE: How the Guys You Know Will Help You Find the Love You Want (Simon & Schuster; June 12, 2012; $23.00)  For real, womanistas, they are two smart cookies. Their main revelation for the dating world? Pretty much everything is a potential date now. And they call them “non-dates”. So plan accordingly.

Jessica & Rebecca stepped up just for you ladies to break down some “non-date” essentials for the modern, fabulous womanista:

These days, it can be tough to tell if you are on a date or not.

He text-invites you to drinks with his friends: date, non-date, not a date?

Your handsome work colleague suggests dinner after a late night in the office: date, non-date, not a date?

You’re currently spending every night watching reality TV with your platonic-dude-best friend, sort-of-not-really cuddling on the couch: date, non-date, not a date?


Our modern, post-dating world is fraught with ambiguity. Everything and nothing is a non-date these days. It’s enough to drive any lady crazy! Not to mention: how are you supposed to look and feel at your best when a non-date can occur at any moment, with any guy, often with nary an hour’s notice?

It helps to have a Non-Date Survival Kit at the ready. Here’s what you need, lest you find yourself on one of these six types of non-dates.

The Group-Non-Date: You thought when he said “let’s get drinks,” he meant as a twosome – but it turns out he meant getting drinks with a bunch of his friends while playing a rowdy game of skeeball. Be ready to blot the extra makeup off your face with Boscia’s Green Tea Blotting Linens, and have a Scunci No-Damage hair elastic at the ready so you can turn that blow-dry into a pony tail and get down to kicking booty at the team game of choice.

The Friend-Non-Date: You’re going over to your best guy friend’s place to catch up on Breaking Bad, and you impulsively decide that you’re tired of the “are we platonic or are we not” ambiguity. Spritz on a little sexy perfume (you can fill one of these Flo Perfume Atomizers with your favorite brand) and see if you two end up cuddling a little closer on the couch.

The Networking-Non-Date: Whoa! It turns out that the business contact your work colleague said you should meet up with is super cute! Whatever your favorite kind of flair is – from classy scarf, to smoldering eyeshadow, to “wow” earrings – make sure you have it on hand to spice up your look from workday bland to non-date feminine and chic. Want to make sure you look good as you run into that Starbucks? Zadro travel mirrors come in all shapes and sizes, some with LED lights.

The E-Non-Date: So you’ve been sending long emails with your old college buddy who’s doing a Fulbright in Botswana (at the same time you’ve been texting like crazy with the cute guy you met at a BBQ last week). Don’t run out of smart phone juice! Invest in a Mophie to make sure dead batteries don’t ruin the techno-romantic momentum.

The Play-Non-Date: You’re out dancing with friends and decide to meet up late-night with a hottie prospect. He lives around the block! We like the Radius Toothbrush & Travel Case for a quick brush pre-makeout sesh.

The Surprise-Non-Date: You thought you were going on a non-date, but it turns out he’s treating you to dinner at a classy restaurant. You’ve found yourself on a bona-fide date! Better have on hand that classic item every lady carries at all times: your favorite lipstick.

…and there you have it, womanistas. Always be prepared for any potential “non-date” situation! And also remember that you are fabulous and gorgeous and any guy would be LUCKY to have you in his life!

xo, the Womanista

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2 Responses to “Womanista Wish List: “Non-Date” Essentials” Subscribe

  1. AnnieBlogs September 10, 2012 at 4:36 pm #

    Love this.


  1. The Dating Apocalypse is Now - The Gaggle - March 21, 2013

    [...] he’s interested. The traditional move would be to ask me out, not send this ambiguous-pseudo-networking-non-date email. [...]

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